My gut reaction was “That’s impressive... is it over yet.”

I was sitting with a luxury-brand CEO who had just spent an hour telling me all the stories he wants to tell his customers and all the ways he wants to bring his brand to life.

He called it customer-centricity.

I cringed. The brand was at the center. The customer, a prop.

When did the customer become merely the audience for all of this?

I find myself having some version of this reaction more and more with luxury CXOs. We are living through one of the great farces in luxury: brands have become outrageously narcissistic while simultaneously insisting they are customer-centric.

The narcissistic brand isn't a brand that talks about itself too much. It is a brand that has made itself the protagonist of the customer's experience.

Look at the grammar of modern luxury: Our heritage. Our universe. Our codes. Our craftsmanship. Our story. Our values. Our philosophy. Our purpose. Come into our world. Discover our story. Experience our brand.

You sat in this exact meeting at your luxury brand last week. I’d bet on it. You just didn’t call it narcissism.

Another event designed to immerse customers in the brand. Another salesperson telling the brand story. Another automotive activation celebrating the heritage.

The customer is attending. But look at the role weve assigned them: audience.

Luxury has confused making the brand more experiential with becoming better at customer experience. They are not the same thing.

This is often my job with luxury brands: seeing what has become so normal internally that no one can see it anymore.

Much of aspirational luxury has historically operated through identity acquisition. The consumer borrows some of the brands accumulated cultural capital. The logo, heritage, codes and mythology say something about the person possessing them. Making the brand enormously culturally desirable makes economic sense.

But the ultra-wealthy already have an identity. They have accumulated their own histories, accomplishments, preferences, rituals, relationships, knowledge and increasingly idiosyncratic definitions of value.

They dont need to enter your world. They need to know what your world contributes to theirs.

That explains why endlessly amplifying brand mythology can produce diminishing returns at the very top of the market.

I speak privately with wealthy consumers all the time, and this is the disconnect I hear that luxury brands seem incapable of hearing:

They only care about your legacy as long as it is helping them build theirs.

Your history should contribute to their story. Your access should expand their world. Your expertise should advance their interests.

Before you open another boutique built around your “brand universe” or host another heritage dinner for your VIPs, ask yourself:

What is here for the customer? What develops them? How does this contribute to their legacy?

If the answer starts with "our", you have your answer.